BEING AUTHENTICALLY YOU

BEING AUTHENTICALLY YOU
BY: JENNIFER SNYDER
i once read a fascinating, but all too
realistic, story about a woman who opened her
CLOSET DOOR AND OUT TUMBLED VARIOUS PIECES OF
sporting equipment and memorabilia.

WHILE THESE POSSESSIONS REPRESENTED THE LAST
decade of her life, she didn't realize until
putting them all away that she felt no
CONNECTION TO ANYTHING IN HER CLOSET. YOU SEE,
this poor woman had put aside her own interests
for the hobbies of a long line of significant
OTHERS. STANDING BEFORE HER NEWLY STRAIGHTENED
shelves, she recalled relationships with partner
a in the water skis, partner b in the bicycle
HELMET, AND PARTNER C WITH A PAINTBALL GUN. SHE
asked herself, "how could i have given up so
much of myself so that nothing in my closet
REFLECTS MY OWN INTERESTS?"

my simple answer is that she had a desire to fit
IN AND BE ACCEPTED. IT'S A PRETTY SAFE BET THAT
if a woman wants to become her partner's ideal
mate, she only needs to transform herself into
THAT PERSON. AND IT HAPPENS … AGAIN, AND AGAIN,
and again.

STILL, WE WONDER, WHAT DOES THIS COST HER? AND,
is it fair to her significant other? maybe, most
importantly, we need to recognize that following
THIS PLAN OF ACTION LEADS HER TO NEVER FINDING A
true ideal mate.

LIKE MANY OF MY COACHING CLIENTS, I WAS RAISED
with the unspoken messages of not asking for too
much, and not being too vocal about my
STRENGTHS. AS A RESULT, THIS UPBRINGING AND MY
need to be accepted after my divorce found me
dating men who didn't require much from their
PARTNER. AT THE SAME TIME, THEY DIDN'T OFFER
much, either.

IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR YOUR IDEAL PARTNER
today, would you really be interested in someone
whose only goal was to become your vision of a
GOOD MATE? WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH
someone who presented himself one way, but after
the curtain was drawn, you saw something much
DIFFERENT? WHETHER THE PERSON IS A SIGNIFICANT
other or a female acquaintance, isn't this image
a little unsettling?

i don't believe most women are trying to fool a
mate with smoke and mirrors, but i do fear that
MANY TRANSFORM THEIR LIVES TO MATCH THEIR
partner's because they don't yet know who they
are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how
TO MEASURE THEIR GOALS AND VALUES.

a staggering number of women in my divorce
WORKSHOPS SAY, "I'VE GIVEN SO MUCH TO MY
ex-husband and the family that i feel like i'm
left with nothing. i couldn't even tell you my
FAVORITE COLOR, OR WHAT I WANT FOR DINNER." MY
heart immediately goes out to these women
because years ago, their words were mine.

sometimes help comes from the most unexpected
places. a few weeks ago, while preparing for an
APPEARANCE ON AN ORLANDO NEWS PROGRAM, I HAD TO
confront my comfortable pattern of downplaying
my strengths. in the length of a short guest
FEATURE, I HAD TO EXPLAIN THE WAYS I HELP WOMEN,
and why i'm good at my work. this moment was
significant for me, and one i will remember
EVERY TIME I FIND MYSELF WANTING TO GO BACK TO
that old habit of not being true to myself.

YOU CAN WIN IN RELATIONSHIPS AND BUSINESS BY
authentically knowing and being who you are,
using the skills you bring to the table, and
HAVING A LEVEL OF COMFORT THAT ALLOWS FOR
flexibility and change.

WOMEN SHORTCHANGE THEMSELVES BY JUMPING INTO
relationships before taking the time to fully
discover and appreciate themselves. they don't
STOP TO THINK ABOUT THE CHARACTERISTICS THEY
desire in a partner.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR IDEAL RELATIONSHIP?

surprise--it all begins with being authentically
YOU.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
jennifer snyder is the author of a self
discovery workbook, the time of your life: a
CREATIVE SOURCEBOOK FOR WOMEN. THE SOURCEBOOK
can be ordered at
http://www.timeofyourlifeafterdivorce.com [2]

circulated by article emporium [3]
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